yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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