i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
