do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
