My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
