I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
