My Higher Power is John Stamos
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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