Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
