All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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