I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
