hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
