I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
be right there i have to get my cape
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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