if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
