god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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