The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
