4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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