Who wears a wallet chain?!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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