Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
