I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
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