im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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