i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
