I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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