my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
