whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
