the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
