i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
