He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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