I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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