I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
