i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
