I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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