I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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