he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
