This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just found puke in my bra..
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
