i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
