i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
