If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
