When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
