currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
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