you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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