I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
