I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
