Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
