Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
sarcasm needs its own font
a search helicopter?!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
