you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
