Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
