Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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