i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
