i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
