Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
