bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
