I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
