How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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