I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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