Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
