Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Found the puke drawer
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
