How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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