I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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