I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
