At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
