I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
