Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize