i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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