Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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